Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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