Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
