I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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