apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
