My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
