I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
