Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
