i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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