Be still, my beating vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
