EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
