i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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