he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
