My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize