Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
