You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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