My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
