I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize