Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
