Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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