Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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