Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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