Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
