If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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