It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
