how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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