I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
