And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
