I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
