I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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