there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
