remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
