I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize