My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
