My friends, they love my intelligence
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Text me some of your sweat
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