super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
