Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
3pm strippers are depressing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
