There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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