so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
