did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
