so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
