I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
