I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
