i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
