So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
