What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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