you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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