I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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