I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
