I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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