i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
