I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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