Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
4 words: hood of his car
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
