Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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