his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
