He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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