just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
