There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
