Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
