Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
