first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
