I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
