david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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