You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
