i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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