So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
