Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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