I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found your dick twin last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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