How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
