Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
