the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize