Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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