non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
