Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
