turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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