I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
