That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
