i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize