it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
