God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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