I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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