some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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