Your dad touched me again.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
